I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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