Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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