Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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