YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
