not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
