'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
