We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
