I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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