Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Girls should come with a carfax report
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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