These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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