Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
