Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
