I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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