I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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