Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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