dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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