Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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