you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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