Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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