You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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