We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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