you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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