drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
