alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I party with great urgency now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
