I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
