What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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