so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
