I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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