I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
