her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
