They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Small penises have feelings too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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