RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
