Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
