i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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