Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
