so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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