If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
