I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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