So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
