So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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