It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
