Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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