I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
