I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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