We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
