We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
