Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
