It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
