he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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