Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
