seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
