On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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