Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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