I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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