I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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