we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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