dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
