I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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