The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
