My room smells like vodka and shame
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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