Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
