my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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