I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
