what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
