it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
