Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i have two assholes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
