I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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