Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
