Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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