We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We have started to decorate penises.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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