Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
