And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
