im about as happy as oj after his trial
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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