oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
