I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
