After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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