You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Never joke about your clitoris.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
