so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
