It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
