FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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