Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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