The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
