dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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