I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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